Devil Child

My mother always called me the devil child
Because I was loud, destructive and wild

I found out years later I was born with ADHD

No one wanted ever to spend any time with me

Parents didn’t know of ADHD or why I was different

They didn’t understand and they were very intolerant

Parents told older sister I was bad and she didn’t have to be around or play with me

So much of the time alone was really no fun, however for some help I did make a plea

I heard my mother double dog dare my father to hit me

Mother would refer to me as a turd in front of the family

All my cousins were smart, while I was failing all my classes in school

Got in to many fights with bullies and teachers who were always cruel

My family would all make fun of me, call names bully and teased

I was the loser that anyone could do or say what they pleased

None of my cousins was I ever allowed with to play

Was always much of the time alone every and all day

I lived in a strange way my dad was very to the T religious

And my mother was always drunk and of course blameless

She’d drink when home from work, on the weekends or holidays

And could always hide it from all her friends and the relatives

No one believed me when I told them that she had been drinking

They acted like I was crazy by then I knew what they were thinking

My mother took me out on Friday nights to eat and buy whatever I wanted, after work

Her last stop was always the liquor store for drink and smoke, I was left in car like a jerk

Bought games that took two or more to play, but she nor did dad never have any intension Of spending time with me, I was in there way. I was a bad child that needed intervention

Wasn’t the perfect child I admit; I ran off when I was 16 did things I regret parents put me

Away, they came for counseling I complained about moms drinking and she felt angry

She said her drinking wasn’t my problem, she’d be back to see me when I could face the truth

Never could mother admit her or dad doing wrong, everything was because I was a youth

Came home from school one day mom was passed out on the living room floor dead drunk

Called ambulance for her Dr blamed me and said no visit, and he called me a worthless punk

My dad would come home and find she was throwing up while passed out always in her bed

I’d watch him take bowls put them near her mouth to catch it, was something I would dread

He’d walk to the bathroom, empty the bowl and go back to get the next one to do the very same

And replace the unfilled one repeat the process. I was told by her doctor that I was the blame

Sometimes mom would run down the hall to the toilet bowl throw up then my heart would race

Because I always knew mom would do this and then she’d come to room to scare rant and pace

Since I was a bad spoiled child who had parents with money, nice house cars and good jobs

And I was not willing to help out or be responsible, was told I made the family look like slobs

My sister let her boyfriend talk her into letting him take me to dentist, instead he molested me

No one believed me because in the past I had lied about things, and the truth no one would see

I was different all the cousins, my aunts and uncle could blame me when things went missing

Or went wrong I was then and still am now the perfect scapegoat yes about it I’m still babbling

My father ran out the back door, when he heard me wake up and come out of my room

So he didn’t have to bother with me, I wanted to spend time with him he’d assume

Somehow I managed to graduate from high school and I then would move

To a different city I felt I might have better luck and my life would improve

Married two very bad guys both who beat, threatened me and verbally abused

Divorced them both and had one child and how I’d raise this child alone I was confused

Tried to work and go to school never was competent enough to follow through

Each time I would start either I did not have the ability of completing anything new

Am not proud of this but I had 30 jobs that I lost in 10 years and even tried going to college

Unable to remember how and when to do things, my head from years of abuse was in a fog

Filed for SSI and Social Security, got on section 8, food stamps WIC and other government aid

I needed a home for myself and my daughter so I had to depend on things like this to get paid

My daughter grew up, became ill with a repeating debilitating disease

I dedicated myself to getting her well, and nothing about it was a breeze

Had to take her in pain for Doctor visits many times she’d cry and wished she were dead

This broke my heart with no family help, just her and I to face things in the years ahead

Unable to attend school for years, the Doctor signed permission to stay home

School system assigned a teacher who was mean nothing about her was tome

School Social workers interfered

And my name they smeared

She finally one day went into remission

And now the nephrotic kidney condition

Seems for now to have forever gone for good away

For years it’s been don’t want others to downplay

For a while I homeschooled her and the first semester back in the public school

She was on the honor roll things seemed to be looking up and I felt like I was the rule

Then one day she lost interest in classes, homework and attending

And the principal of the high school was calling and threatening

Pulled her out and put her in to get her GED

Soon she was out within month of three

A year before she was supposed to graduate

I knew by then that I was doing things right

Enrolled me and her in community college we made the Dean’s list and no student loan debt

Last May she and I graduated have a new life now I don’t feel things in my life are a threat

But alone I’ve raised a good child, self-published a book and kept things together

I’ve published some poetry and stories in magazines that will be on web pages forever

Even though my parents have helped me out once in a while financially

I feel lack of respect since they helped family who treated me crummy

I’m still feeling and have most of the hopeless thoughts when I was young

But I still try to steer my daughter to be different from me and hold my tongue

Those cousins with the high degree

Don’t seem to have too much on me

Both lost their jobs within a year out of college from being snobs and dishonest

But the parents just think that it was because others were being so glibbest

Both stuck alone in life working in their old age

That just mostly pays a low minimum wage

Sister divorced husband for molesting her children still won’t speak told her kids I was bad

She lives in my town and over 20 years she’s never visited so by her I’ve been for life had

Most of all I think it’s because my parents never would face reality or admit

To any wrong doing of years of abuse and neglect, something I couldn’t forget

Why am I talking about this after all these years still?

Because I think that it may just possibly help me to heal

Copyright 2013

All Rights Reserved


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